Some issues men bring to counselling
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Depression
We can experience depression in different ways at different points in our lives. Descriptions often include feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and that life is meaningless.
Often with depression we can feel that the things we used to enjoy hold little pleasure for us now and that plans we make no longer bring excitement. Life feels cold and empty and there seems no hope of change. And with all of this, we can feel very alone - that no one cares or that those who do can’t help us.
Working with a counsellor can help to change this, gradually restoring a sense of meaning in our lives, bringing back hopefulness and a belief in our own abilities.
Anger
Though anger is an emotion that has its place, many of us find we get angry with insufficient cause, at times we wish we hadn't, and at a level we don't understand.
Anger can be disruptive to our relationships - at home and at work - and make the problems we face worse. Things we've said or done when angry can make us feel shame and isolate us, making things harder still.
Often, clients ask for coping strategies, or they may have been shown them in the past. These may help when you remember to and can apply them in the moment, counting to ten or taking deep breaths. However, they're only what the name suggests - a way of coping with a continuing problem. Counselling can do better and go deeper than that, so you don't feel uncontrolled, inappropriate, disruptive anger any more.
Anxiety
Experiences of anxiety vary from unease to outright dread. It’s a natural response to a sense of danger, but can become problematic when it’s long term or intense. It can be particularly undermining and troubling because the cause may be hidden - we often don’t know what is making us feel anxious.
While threats can be physical, they may also be psychological, threatening our sense of who we are and the fundamental rightness of our lives and choices. Anxiety can be prompted by the normal life stages and changes, and by losses such as bereavement, divorce, and redundancy. Additionally, anxiety can become the fear of something very specific and unrelated, making the issue harder to deal with on our own.
Working with an experienced and qualified counsellor you can trust, in an open and exploratory way, can make it possible to understand and alleviate your anxiety, freeing you from this invasive and undermining problem.
Shame
Guilt and shame are often thought of as one and the same. However, there's an important distinction that can be made between the two. While guilt can be thought of as 'for the act', allowing us to make amends and repair relationships, shame is 'of the self'. As such, it can be corrosive and deeply undermining, affecting not only how we relate to others but whether we are willing to. It can make it difficult - or impossible - to open up to others and allow ourselves to be known. And shame can last a lifetime.
We may not realise it, but shame is often something we have been told and taught to feel, a burden we take on without questioning, perhaps because we're afraid we'll lose people. Perhaps something about us has been stigmatised by society or people in our lives. Working with a counsellor you can trust, who promises not to judge you, who will respect you as a human being no matter what you tell them, can help you to let go of shame.
Suicidal thoughts
Suicide among men in the UK is a particular problem, with three times the suicide rate recorded for men as for women. Men aged 45 to 49 are at the greatest risk.
Talking to a counsellor can help to lessen the pain that seems overwhelming and help us to believe that other ways forward are possible.